I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize