I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
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And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
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He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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