Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
