I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
