how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
