I puked a lego.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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