I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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