Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
