Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You don't make any sense
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