My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
