Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
