Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
