You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
