If i could tip my vagina, i would.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
