At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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