I'm so fucking centered right now
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
