Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
