Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
