You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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