somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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