I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
