Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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