Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
