Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
