don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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