Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
