Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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