I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
