Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
