May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
