just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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