i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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