My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
