I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
