Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
