She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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