Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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