eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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