Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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