More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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