you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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