how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
