somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
