Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
