I hate all girls vehemently.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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