there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
