fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
