Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
