Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
