the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize