i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
