I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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