my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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