Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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