there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
