Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My first STD was from a foam party
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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