forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
