I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
