Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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