I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
