I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
