Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
