1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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