DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
