doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
