I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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