I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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