Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
All I want is dick and wine.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
