oh god the rape fog is back!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
