I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
