remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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