don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
