I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
