i wish my penis had a tongue
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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