A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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