If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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