This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
